Five Reasons Why Bathroom Tissue Matters

I’d like to be annoyed by the “Web 2.0” label, but overall I think it loosely denotes a collection of good trends, and that’s slightly useful. The has a good summary. But then there are completely vacuous articles such as Five Reasons Why Web 2.0 Matters (via /.) that simply cry out for parody.

Five Reasons Why Bathroom Tissue Matters

  1. The Focus of Technology Moves To People With Bathroom Tissue.
  2. Bathroom Tissue Represents Best Practices.
  3. Bathroom Tissue Has Excellent Feng Shui.
  4. Quality Is Maximized, Waste Is Minimized.
  5. Bathroom Tissue Has A Ballistic Trajectory.

Certainly there are other reasons why Bathroom Tissue is important and you’re welcome to list them here, but I think this captures the central vision in a way that most anyone who craps can grasp and access.

BTW, I will also use this moment to state that Bathroom Tissue is a terrible name for this new vision of paper-based people-centric product. Except that is for every other name we have at the moment (for example, like “next generation of the arsewipe”). So I will continue to use Bathroom Tissue until something better comes along.

OK, don’t agree? Please straighten me out. Why does bathroom tissue matter (or not) to you?

Toilet paper anyone?

5 Responses

  1. Such labels must be coined by people who don’t know better than to buy version n.0.

    (By the way, I wish the humanity-test were not in tiny gray type.)

  2. Andrew Sayman says:

    Water-wiping is Bathroom Tissue 2.0, and we could really use it.

  3. I may attempt to alter the templates after wordpress 1.6 is released.

    I should’ve thought of bidets, but you know modern toilet paper is easy and intuitive to use.

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